Do you remember the guy with the fetish? What about the cheater? Or the one married to his job? Wait, I got it! The one that turned out to be a kidnapper? Don’t tell me you haven’t run into any of these guys?
Well, I have, and let’s just say the things I’ve seen, heard and experienced, you will want to hear about and luckily for you, I’m ready to share.
Besides, we all know that dating can be a challenge. We are out here trying to find love, but instead, we keep finding losers. What’s a girl to do?
Actually, that’s more under your control than you know and it starts with what you think about yourself. So grab a glassand be entertained by my honest, sarcastic, bold and hilarious advice.
I know you have an unopened bottle of wine lying around the house somewhere. Let’s get you some results!
Of all the steps, I think self-dating is the most important and the most mishandled. Self-time is a big deal because all of your preferences and responses originate from within. Feelings of hurt, happiness, anger, pride and resentment can influence how you live your life and pick your mates.
For example, sometimes we are so torn from unfortunate events in our childhood that we become desperate for love and attention as adults. Signs of our desperation to be loved seeps out as we grab hold to any man that pays us even the slightest bit of attention. Many times, the quality of the guy doesn’t matter as long as we are not physically alone.
For others, childhood issues can leave so much hurt that we avoid relationships altogether. Foreshadowing it to end in pain from the inevitable hurt, we have convinced ourselves that we will suffer if we open our heart to anyone. Responses like these are a vicious cycle that ensures the destruction of self-value.
Therefore, before you can move forward, you must first step back and gain an understanding of your own unique dynamic. Take some time to dissect your personality to determine if you are operating as a sane person or a lost soul. Sadly, I’ve witnessed countless women miss the mark and not even know it. They claim that they have taken part in the self-dating process, but they really have no clue what self-dating means.
No one has pointed out to them that dating yourself by choice and dating yourself by force are two entirely different things. Luckily, some time with me should clear up the matter once and for all. To kick things off, I will use one of my favorite grammar correction tips that focus on “Your” and “You’re.”
Since I think it applies here, I will just toss in the concept of self-dating and voila. So here goes…Dating yourself is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit. Did you catch that? Read it again, I’ll wait. (takes a gulp from the glass)
Ok, I’m going to assume you caught that. Your and you’re are two words that I see mixed up ALL. THE. TIME. Reading student essays in college, this word only made its debut correctly about 60% of the time.
Lucky for me, this topic lets me release my long held in grammar tirade while providing me with the perfect platform for this subject. This brilliant play on words sums up how I feel a lot of women date themselves. They are always mixing up your and you’re. They think they are making the choice to date themselves when they are obviously not. If you are confused, here’s the difference.
If you have dated yourself by choice, then congratulations, because you, ma’am, know YOUR shit. You have taken a voluntary leave of absence from the dating world and indulged in some much-needed self-time. Maybe you kept choosing the wrong men but couldn’t figure out why. Or you discerned that you didn’t want past hurts or esteem issues to run your life. No matter the reason(s), you wanted your dating misfortunes to end.
Finding the courage to make a change, you started the process that shuts others out in order to let the real you in. As things started and inevitably progressed, you actually lost track of how long you were off the market. Discovering the “whys” and “hows” of yourself was captivating. You never realized how refreshing it was to listen to no one’s voice but your own. What may have started as a last attempt to get a good man to notice you actually got you to notice you. It was never about searching for someone because the real MVP (you) has now been found.
Now, not only do you know who you are, but you like who you are.
Just think, after all the blood, sweat and tears, you reemerged with an enlarged blueprint called “me, myself and I.” Without a doubt, you can now ace the test in Self 101. You know what makes you tick, what you like, don’t like and why.
Using your body to get men is not your appeal, and keeping incompatible ones around is no longer your deal. You have worth, and you know it. As a result, you look at guys in a whole new dating light. You will no longer sacrifice the unique, beautiful characteristics of what makes you, you, in order to fit in. It may have been hard, but you did it, and because of it, you are the captain now.
Moving on to those of you that dated yourself by force. Heads up, because now might be a good time to cuddle close to that stray cat and brace yourself for some much-needed shock value. I will not sugarcoat this because you deserve me saying YOU’RE shit.
Yes, I said it. YOU. ARE. SHIT.
Point blank and case closed. For those of you that didn’t catch that, that is a bit of that tough love approach that I sometimes dish out. Obviously, I don’t really think you are shit. My point in saying it this way is to spark your self-reflection bulb. You should never treat you this bad. Do you understand that you are PRICELESS?
Don’t feel bad, I too, am guilty of treating myself like shit. Holding back the truth of who I was and what I should accept because I feared I wouldn’t find a man who would accept it and love me. You shouldn’t try to box and package yourself in a way that makes men happy, but you miserable. Your happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s in this world. Why would you disregard it just because you don’t want to take time away to learn who you are?
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